Pare Mahal Mo Raw Ako

Pare mahal mo raw ako
Yan ang sabi mo raw
Nang minsan ay malasing tayo
Hindi kita sinisisi galit ay wala ako
Pare pag-usapan natin to

Pare ako raw ang yong gusto
Yan ba ang lihim na sa aki’y sasabihin mo
Hindi ako iiwas di lalayo sa yo
Pare pag-usapan natin to

Wala namang mababago
Sa pagtingin ko sa iyo
Pero kaibigan lang ang pwede kong ialay sa iyo
At kung higit pa ron pasensya na
Di ko makakaya
Pare kaibigan lang kita

Pare nandito lang ako
Nangangako sa yo ganoon pa rin ikaw, ako
Hindi ako iiwas di lalayo sa yo
Pare kaibigan pa rin ako

Wala namang mababago
Sa pagtingin ko sa iyo
Pero kaibigan lang ang pwede kong ialay sa iyo
At kung higit pa ron pasensya na
Di ko makakaya
Pare kaibigan lang kita

Hindi maiilang lagi mong tandaan
Kaibigan mo ako kailanpaman

Wala namang mababago
Sa pagtingin ko sa iyo
Pero kaibigan lang ang pwede kong ialay sa iyo
At kung higit pa ron pasensya na
Di ko makakaya
Pare kaibigan lang kita
Pare kaibigan lang kita

Quote XX

Not all seemingly happy people are happy indeed.

When the fun is over, some sit alone and quietly bleed.

Somebody's Me

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I really fell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you were somebody else

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me
That Somebody's Me

How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths will soon cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me
That Somebody's Me

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me
That Somebody's Me
That Somebody's Me
That Somebody's Me...

Quote XVI

A heartbreak isn't always as loud as bomb exploding.

Sometimes it could be as quiet as feather falling.

And the most painful thing is that... nobody hears it but only you.

Should I pursue him or not?

Crossing my fingers. I hope this person has something better in mind for me. Even if I know that crossing my fingers won't really make any difference at all. Hahaha!

I actually have a crush on this guy (he was actually my trainer), and this is exactly his post at Facebook.

Although he knows that I have a crush on him, I don't think that there would be a possibility that we can be together since I'm not his type. However some of my colleagues told me that there's nothing wrong in trying to woo the guy. But I don't really know.

Then I just saw this post. I pretty much sure that that post wasn't meant for me (although at some point I'm hoping that it really is), but I can't really help it. I wanted to text him now, just to know how he is but I'm just so afraid that it would be just a nonsense text to him. I'm just so afraid that he might reject me.

Should I pursue him, or should I just keep it to myself?

I don't know.

Do I Count for Less...

How selfish it would have seemed if I had cried out then...

But what about me?

I wish my family well, of course I do... but does my happiness not matter? Do I count for less? Am I suppose to nod and smile, and be a brave lad forever, while everything changes around me, and everything I loved is different? No, not just different... I will say it worse!

Through Him

I see you through him...

Almost 4 months since I left a happy but gloomy stage. Time had play a big part of moving on, until I met someone... who were almost like you...

I have a new identity, on a new stage... different cast... I thought, now that I had a new one, I would totally forgot you, I was wrong.

One of my colleague who is very close to me from our first day was almost like you. Handsome and hot, sweet and caring... and most of all... he looks exactly like you. I don't mind it at first but it looking at him, talking to him really brings back the memories of you. He really reminds me of you, and how miss you. I wish I could go back. I really do...

I see you through him...

Weather and Emotions 2

It's gloomy outside... inside of me as well...

It's been almost a month since I left the hall where identity of mine was made. But still I haven't fix this problem, confusion eat me up...

Two things I expect it might be. Either I would be out and free but selfish, or stay and caged but safe.

I guess I need to get out of the curtain I was in, and reveal the face and emotion that embrace.

It's gloomy outside... inside of me as well...

Weather And Emotions

It's raining outside... and so inside of me...

Few more days to count before I leave this mixed hall of weather, where I had my own identity. It's such hard decision to make thou such a great experience and lesson gained, but still... when emotion stirs, weakness embrace in.

And so, as to this day. I have to bid on this wall... and so as to you, as I only have a month to stay, and clear my name away... not only to them but most especially to you, thou I'm nothing to you as you mean something to me... I have to erase my name on your memory, as I have to erase you on me... thou it would take time for me.

After that, I would still have to face another problem to fix. And I am confused to what should I choose... is it me or them? It's selfish of me not to choose them thou something tells me that I have to choose myself for I have think of them all mylife. I guess I need to get out of the curtain that I was in.

It's raining outside... and so inside of me...

Quote VIII

Why should I ruin
the perfectly beautiful
petals of the flower,
when I know from the start that
he loves me not.

How Can I Walk Away...

Baby can't you see

you're the one for me,

but you belong to another.

I don't wanna hurt nobody,

but my heart just can't hold back.

Why?

Why am I falling for someone I can't be with?

Why do I get head over heals for someone who's impossible to be mine?

Am I destined to be hurt? Or am I just a fool who fantasize somebody out of my reach.

I'll Be Forever Blue

Last Friday was the last day am gonna see you.

I know you already mean something to me, though I know I am nothing to you. You remind me of someone, but it's not the reason why I'm feeling like this. Like, I'm falling for you. It hurts but, I know its just like that. The memory of your look will still remain.

I'm so in love with you... I'll be forever blue...

The Great Pretender

I always pretend to be happy. Talking a lot and laughing out loud so that nobody would know what's really inside. But at the end, I always find myself all alone, encountering the crucial truth: That I'm hurting too much inside, and that not even a million laughter can take it away.

Him? Her? Together?

I like him... I like her, but the problem is... they are together...

February 2007, I remembered that time, the first time I saw him, I fell for him. But he'd never been mine. A friend told me to tell him what I feel, but I was afraid-- of rejection. Everyday at school, I see him, it felt like a torn in a rose, but eventually, someone came... it's her... but she know I'm gay. The same friend of mine told me to tell her what I feel, but I was afraid-- of rejection. It also felt like a torn in my heart... to never have her.

Summer vacation came, I totally forgot them.

Almost one school year, I never did saw them, coz my class is at night, and theirs is morning.

This semester, Ouch! him and her... both my classmate in one of my subjects... and they are together-- as lovers.

Now, my heart beats again... for both of them. It pains me so much to see them together. But, what can I do?

Break Free?

It's been almost a year when I dramatically told my parents that I'm a gay.

Before, I feel like a bird inside a cage, a prisoner in my room. I can't express myself thoroughly because there's a feeling in me-- scared that my parents would turn me down. Then, I decided, gather all my guts to tell them the real me... of course I was a bit afraid, but it turned out that they accept me, that they still love me.

After that, I thought that the feeling of a prisoner would fade away. That now, I'm a bird free to fly. But I was wrong, totally wrong.

I'm already 18, my family knows I'm gay, my friends know I am, I already shout to the world I am... but still there's feeling of being outcast, left alone, set-aside, forgotten... feeling of being imprisoned again-- over again.

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but, what should I do?

Can't Move On

Its been almost half a year since we broke up, but still, I haven’t recover from you and the pain… your memories still lingers on me, your warm and accommodating hug, sweet kisses, lovable smile, seductive look, and how you uplift me, my spirit, my confidence whenever I am down…

I can still remember those days when we would watch flicks at the movie house, dine at your favorite restaurant, take me home or sometimes at your pad, those nights when we sleep together… those things I thought were true, I thought you were true, but you weren't, those things were only lies. I thought you love me, I thought you were the guy who took me seriously, but no… you're like them, or should I say you are one of them…trippers… you never love and loved me, you just played me… I fall for your lame game—you win…

Even though you hurt me so much, I still miss you, I still love you, I still wish that we could get back to those days, I still wish for it though I know that it would and could never be.
I know I should move on, but I can't… coz you’re one of the best things that ever happen to me…
I love you, I miss you… I can’t move on…

Marco!

Three years and a couple of months had already passed since I met this guy (I'll just call him Marco) who is somewhat one of those termed as "pamhinta" (like me of course). I met Marco at a b-day celebration of a common friend (I was only 14 then, 3rd-yr. HS and Marco was 3years my senior), and we kinda share the same interests like type of music, that dancing is our passion, and that the dream of being known in the world of performing arts. He's really cool to be with... I mean to strike up a conversation with (no to mention that he's gorgeous and hot). Our friendship grew when we became text mates, and sometimes we met and hangout at mall after class hours, talk over the phone for several hours during weekends...but he always refuse to tackle the topic of love and relationships, that's why back then I'd never found out if he's committed to someone or not.

For a month of hanging out with Marco, I felt like I'm starting to like him (I know for sure it is because I never felt anything like that before), but I never did told him for I'm afraid that our friendship might be affected.

Until I asked for his friendster (back then I don't really care bout my friendster acct.) so I could add him up. So it was, I browse his profile and found out that his committed to someone (to a gay of course) and that they've been together for almost a year. OUCH! that was the first thing I'd said, I mean it, I got hurt, though I know I shouldn't be. A week later, he called me (as he always do) and ask me to go at his place, luckily it's Saturday so I did. When I got there Marco was crying , I asked him why, he said that he's bf broke up with him for another guy. I looked into his eyes and I saw and felt the pain in it. I hugged him, comforted him, told him that everything would be fine and he can get over this and I'm here for him... as a friend. If only I could tell him as a lover, but I can't, I'm afraid.

And so it was, Marco had moved on, and manage to find a more serious one. As summer vacation came, our friendship blurred... I was enrolled to a summer sports program (tennis) and he on the other hand enrolled on an acting workshop. June approach, we failed to hangout on the succeeding months. I focus on my academic and had CAdT (Citizen Advancement Training) every Saturdays, but still we talked over the phone. This continue until I entered college, but it changed at the early days of August 2006, because I have to attend rehearsals for a stage play (I joined our school's theater group named Tanghalang Batingaw). For two months, he didn't call, nor answer my text message, and at friendster. And so I give up, I didn't text him... for a year.

And so, a year and several months had passed. And I'd had several commitments (all flings), but I'd never had any serious commitment for up to this day I still want him, I still feel something for him that's why I do visit his friendster profile every time I open my account, so that I would have news on him.

Now I'm 17 turning 18, and Marco's 20 turning 21. The latest news I know was that a month after his 21st b-day he's gonna get married... to a girl 2years his senior (that makes her 5year older than me), and it pains me so much to know this... though I know I shouldn't be.