9 most difficult times in life...

1.) Being questioned when you yourself couldn't understand.
2.) Pretending to be innocent of something you know about.
3.) Trying to forget something you know you couldn't.
4.) Admitting that you're wrong after being so insistent that you're right.
5.) Debating with yourself.
6.) Accepting the fact that somethings are not meant to be.
7.) Trying to understand when you just can't.
8.) Realizing that you've been tricked after you've given your whole trust.
9.) Parting and letting go of someone you've love all your life.

Do I Count for Less...

How selfish it would have seemed if I had cried out then...

But what about me?

I wish my family well, of course I do... but does my happiness not matter? Do I count for less? Am I suppose to nod and smile, and be a brave lad forever, while everything changes around me, and everything I loved is different? No, not just different... I will say it worse!

Weather and Emotions 2

It's gloomy outside... inside of me as well...

It's been almost a month since I left the hall where identity of mine was made. But still I haven't fix this problem, confusion eat me up...

Two things I expect it might be. Either I would be out and free but selfish, or stay and caged but safe.

I guess I need to get out of the curtain I was in, and reveal the face and emotion that embrace.

It's gloomy outside... inside of me as well...

Weather And Emotions

It's raining outside... and so inside of me...

Few more days to count before I leave this mixed hall of weather, where I had my own identity. It's such hard decision to make thou such a great experience and lesson gained, but still... when emotion stirs, weakness embrace in.

And so, as to this day. I have to bid on this wall... and so as to you, as I only have a month to stay, and clear my name away... not only to them but most especially to you, thou I'm nothing to you as you mean something to me... I have to erase my name on your memory, as I have to erase you on me... thou it would take time for me.

After that, I would still have to face another problem to fix. And I am confused to what should I choose... is it me or them? It's selfish of me not to choose them thou something tells me that I have to choose myself for I have think of them all mylife. I guess I need to get out of the curtain that I was in.

It's raining outside... and so inside of me...

Advertising Project

OMG...

15 days left yet I haven't have any idea about what I would do with my project on my advertising class.

I'm thinking something about an advertisement against AIDS but I can't think any prolific idea on how could I establish a very catchy ad.

Hope I think of any before the date due.

This is killing me!

Him? Her? Together?

I like him... I like her, but the problem is... they are together...

February 2007, I remembered that time, the first time I saw him, I fell for him. But he'd never been mine. A friend told me to tell him what I feel, but I was afraid-- of rejection. Everyday at school, I see him, it felt like a torn in a rose, but eventually, someone came... it's her... but she know I'm gay. The same friend of mine told me to tell her what I feel, but I was afraid-- of rejection. It also felt like a torn in my heart... to never have her.

Summer vacation came, I totally forgot them.

Almost one school year, I never did saw them, coz my class is at night, and theirs is morning.

This semester, Ouch! him and her... both my classmate in one of my subjects... and they are together-- as lovers.

Now, my heart beats again... for both of them. It pains me so much to see them together. But, what can I do?

Break Free?

It's been almost a year when I dramatically told my parents that I'm a gay.

Before, I feel like a bird inside a cage, a prisoner in my room. I can't express myself thoroughly because there's a feeling in me-- scared that my parents would turn me down. Then, I decided, gather all my guts to tell them the real me... of course I was a bit afraid, but it turned out that they accept me, that they still love me.

After that, I thought that the feeling of a prisoner would fade away. That now, I'm a bird free to fly. But I was wrong, totally wrong.

I'm already 18, my family knows I'm gay, my friends know I am, I already shout to the world I am... but still there's feeling of being outcast, left alone, set-aside, forgotten... feeling of being imprisoned again-- over again.

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but, what should I do?

Can't Move On

Its been almost half a year since we broke up, but still, I haven’t recover from you and the pain… your memories still lingers on me, your warm and accommodating hug, sweet kisses, lovable smile, seductive look, and how you uplift me, my spirit, my confidence whenever I am down…

I can still remember those days when we would watch flicks at the movie house, dine at your favorite restaurant, take me home or sometimes at your pad, those nights when we sleep together… those things I thought were true, I thought you were true, but you weren't, those things were only lies. I thought you love me, I thought you were the guy who took me seriously, but no… you're like them, or should I say you are one of them…trippers… you never love and loved me, you just played me… I fall for your lame game—you win…

Even though you hurt me so much, I still miss you, I still love you, I still wish that we could get back to those days, I still wish for it though I know that it would and could never be.
I know I should move on, but I can't… coz you’re one of the best things that ever happen to me…
I love you, I miss you… I can’t move on…