Time Management

Whew...

This past days, I can't seem to manage my time. Every morning after work, I can't even hold the broom stick to clean the house, nor have a time to cook. I can't even manage to open the computer and update myself online for about a minute. I felt exhausted from the phone calls I have to resolve. I never felt this exhausted in my life... or maybe my I'm is still adjusting.

The things is... exhausted not about the job... but something else. Weird... so weird that I can't even tell what was that, that make me feel exhausted...

Conflicting? Weird? Confusing? I can't even further expound on this. Worst, I can't even tell what it is...

But one thing is for sure...

It's about you... you've been absent (technically leave) for six days, but then I already miss you... Why? What is that on you that make me feel like this? I'm confused... so confused...

Break Free?

It's been almost a year when I dramatically told my parents that I'm a gay.

Before, I feel like a bird inside a cage, a prisoner in my room. I can't express myself thoroughly because there's a feeling in me-- scared that my parents would turn me down. Then, I decided, gather all my guts to tell them the real me... of course I was a bit afraid, but it turned out that they accept me, that they still love me.

After that, I thought that the feeling of a prisoner would fade away. That now, I'm a bird free to fly. But I was wrong, totally wrong.

I'm already 18, my family knows I'm gay, my friends know I am, I already shout to the world I am... but still there's feeling of being outcast, left alone, set-aside, forgotten... feeling of being imprisoned again-- over again.

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but, what should I do?

Tired of Pretending as Someone that is so not Me...

Last night, when got home after watching a movie from a cinema. I felt tired, not physically, but I felt tired of pretending.

It's just that everyday when I go to school, I pretend that I know everything about the topic being discussed, it's because I don't wanna look like left out. But now, I realize that it's better to sit there, absorbing every detail that the professor is discussing, understanding what it really mean, and just voice out an opinion.

It's just that, whenever someone ask for an advice, I always pretend that I have a lot of experience in life. But the truth is I just learn from other peoples mistake and experience.

It's just that, whenever I met someone attractive, I always tend to over drunk myself or try to please him just by pretending as someone. But now, I realize that people would like and love me more if I would just be myself-- for who I truly are...

I'm really tired of pretending as someone that is so not me...