Confused (I am really am)

In my last year in Grade School (grade6), I had a different feeling when I looked at my boy classmates. It's like a feeling of enjoyment, excitement, a feeling that would give you a hint you're a gay.

That feeling still lingers when I entered High School, or I might say... that feeling grows. There was even a time in my sophomore year when a guy classmate ask me “are you sure you're a gay... do you wanna have sex with a girl?” and I answered him “Duh! Over my dead body” and yeah... back then I really can't imagine myself in bed or even marrying a girl. The thought of it kind of makes me say "yuck", run to the powder room and throw myself (though you're gonna say over reacting). That thought was somehow proved a couple of months after I turned 14, where I met Rey, my first boyfriend. Rey is also a gay, but much manlier than me. Our relationship last only for two months. After him, I got involve with different gays, but only through cyber thing. I never met even a single of them personally.

When I entered college (I was turning16 then), I joined the schools theater group, which requires us several times to go home as late as 21:30 (back then I'm not really used to go home that late, plus I just turned 16 then). Luckily my parents got used to it, that at some point during the 1st semester on my 2nd year I used it as a reason to cover up my personal/sexual escapades (Hey! my first sexual conquest is a couple of weeks after I turned 17). And I tell you this, call me hypocrite but that was the only time when I learned there a different classification of gays. That was when I learned that back at my high school I'm effeminate, then in my early college I'm Discreet.

Yes! I tend to call myself as a Discreet Gay, until confusion eat me up. Yes! confusion rose up in the early month of my 2nd semester on my 2nd year in college (hey! it was also the time where I shifted from Broadcasting to Public Relations). It really goes like... if before I don't want girls, why is it that now I want to marry one (shy to tell but it was only early 2008 when I had my first sexual conquest with a girl). Why is it that now I got an erotic felling when I see girls (esp. one with great shape). Why is it that now, I don't know what to call myself-- a discreet gay or bisexual. The thought of it kind of crack my head out.

Now, it's only 36 days before I turn 18, and that thing (confusion) still bugs me of what I really am. And just this summer I decided to develop that muscles, and turn that flabs into abs... Haha... I may not personally signed up in a fitness gym but hey! I have my own ways (that includes practicing my dance moves).