Can't Move On

Its been almost half a year since we broke up, but still, I haven’t recover from you and the pain… your memories still lingers on me, your warm and accommodating hug, sweet kisses, lovable smile, seductive look, and how you uplift me, my spirit, my confidence whenever I am down…

I can still remember those days when we would watch flicks at the movie house, dine at your favorite restaurant, take me home or sometimes at your pad, those nights when we sleep together… those things I thought were true, I thought you were true, but you weren't, those things were only lies. I thought you love me, I thought you were the guy who took me seriously, but no… you're like them, or should I say you are one of them…trippers… you never love and loved me, you just played me… I fall for your lame game—you win…

Even though you hurt me so much, I still miss you, I still love you, I still wish that we could get back to those days, I still wish for it though I know that it would and could never be.
I know I should move on, but I can't… coz you’re one of the best things that ever happen to me…
I love you, I miss you… I can’t move on…

Chain Letters

I just don't understand why people believe in these chain letters, do you really have to because you've read it and it says...

- Repost this or you will die
- Send it to everyone on your list or your mom will die
- Repost this, cause if you don't, you will a have a bad luck for 10yrs.
and the funniest as...
- Send this to 20persons within 5minutes or you will die.

I mean, duh! they're just fooling/goofing you around... you will not die or some scary/spooky thing or creature would visit you if you don't repost it. Chain Letters are just normal letters that is made to fool people around, and the ones responsible for these are those who have nothing to do or are so bored with their lives...

So please...

For anyone who would read this post...

Please help me campaign against Chain Letters...

Dream...

For the third time, I dream of this again...

I dream about a guy (I hardly see his face) who’s running on an empty and dark street. He seems tired because I can see that that he’s breathing fast and heavy, and I can see sweats all over him. On the middle of the street there was a lamppost, and adjacent to that, there’s a house (finally). That guy knocks on the door. He knocks three times, no one answered. Four, five, again no one answered. Six, seven, eight, nine, still no one answered. He thought that maybe there’s no one inside that house. He twists the knob on the door, it wasn't locked, and it opened, so he came inside.

Inside the house, he can’t see anything but only four rooms with numbers in each door. The guy brought by curiosity, opened each door. What he saw in each room is a television, which plays different scenario. On the first room, the scenario was a family who’s quarrelling over something that just happened on them. On the second o, it shows a bed scene between two boys. On the third scenario, he saw clique of boys and girls who’s throwing a party. And on the last room, he saw a guy who is hanged on a tree, with bloods all over his body…

Then… boom… I was awake, with cold sweats on my forehead, and a teardrop on my eye…

Confused (I am really am)

In my last year in Grade School (grade6), I had a different feeling when I looked at my boy classmates. It's like a feeling of enjoyment, excitement, a feeling that would give you a hint you're a gay.

That feeling still lingers when I entered High School, or I might say... that feeling grows. There was even a time in my sophomore year when a guy classmate ask me “are you sure you're a gay... do you wanna have sex with a girl?” and I answered him “Duh! Over my dead body” and yeah... back then I really can't imagine myself in bed or even marrying a girl. The thought of it kind of makes me say "yuck", run to the powder room and throw myself (though you're gonna say over reacting). That thought was somehow proved a couple of months after I turned 14, where I met Rey, my first boyfriend. Rey is also a gay, but much manlier than me. Our relationship last only for two months. After him, I got involve with different gays, but only through cyber thing. I never met even a single of them personally.

When I entered college (I was turning16 then), I joined the schools theater group, which requires us several times to go home as late as 21:30 (back then I'm not really used to go home that late, plus I just turned 16 then). Luckily my parents got used to it, that at some point during the 1st semester on my 2nd year I used it as a reason to cover up my personal/sexual escapades (Hey! my first sexual conquest is a couple of weeks after I turned 17). And I tell you this, call me hypocrite but that was the only time when I learned there a different classification of gays. That was when I learned that back at my high school I'm effeminate, then in my early college I'm Discreet.

Yes! I tend to call myself as a Discreet Gay, until confusion eat me up. Yes! confusion rose up in the early month of my 2nd semester on my 2nd year in college (hey! it was also the time where I shifted from Broadcasting to Public Relations). It really goes like... if before I don't want girls, why is it that now I want to marry one (shy to tell but it was only early 2008 when I had my first sexual conquest with a girl). Why is it that now I got an erotic felling when I see girls (esp. one with great shape). Why is it that now, I don't know what to call myself-- a discreet gay or bisexual. The thought of it kind of crack my head out.

Now, it's only 36 days before I turn 18, and that thing (confusion) still bugs me of what I really am. And just this summer I decided to develop that muscles, and turn that flabs into abs... Haha... I may not personally signed up in a fitness gym but hey! I have my own ways (that includes practicing my dance moves).

Lesson She Taught Me...

I was browsing through my old stuff last night, and I found an old (not-too-very old) letters of a personal friend. And there, was a lesson she taught me...

"Masyado naman siya, Bakit siya ganun? He's so bad. I know you have love him na pero sana nagtira ka ng konti for yourself... nagtira ka nga ba? Now, I realize things... dapat i-balance ung mga bagay bagay, though un nga, hindi naman masama magmahal eh , pag wala na yun, pano na tayo, how can we able to meet persons and share almost everything with them kung wala tayong loved one. Pero sana wag ibibigay ang lahat lahat, I realize na ok lang na magmahal ako, pero dun na sa mamahalin ako, it's really hard to force yourself to someone na mahal mo pag may iba na siya. Parang ako... lahat ng minamahal ko may mahal nang iba, isisiksik ko yung sarili ko, ayaw naman sakin sabihin na nating hindi naman sa ayaw pero, malaman niya yung feeling ko for him madidisappoint lang ako coz I know for a fact na may mahal--minamahal na siyang iba. Grabeh it's really better to know a person first very well, kung kaylangan mo siyang pilitin for him to tell the truth why not? Kung ayaw niya, let him go, kahit na sobrang attracted ka na sakanya. Mas mabuti na siguro na isipin mo or let that person go, kesa naman sa kayo nga pero umiikot naman mundo niyo sa kasinungalingan."

Very well qouted ba?